Three-year-old me, innocently believing every thought that rolled through her little head.

For most of my life, you were in charge of my feelings.

Yes, you. 

I had come to believe, early on, that your approval, my friends’ approval, strangers’ approval, my children’s approval, “god’s” approval - ANYONE’s approval but mine - was the measure of my worth. Good times.

No offense to you, but I rarely believed that you thought positively of me, and it wasn’t fun.

This made for a life of never being in charge of my own feelings, my own trajectory. 

I was at the mercy of how other people saw me, how they saw themselves, how they felt that day, what they had eaten, what mood they were in, what their personal stories were, etc. 

In a word: misery. In two words: totally disempowering. 

This was my uncomfortable norm, until I heard the words that inspired me in a new direction.

I was telling a friend about a particular trouble, and how it was the “story of my life”. 

She simply shrugged and said, “Change the story.”

Even though I had heard similar self-improvement advice many times before, her words came at a moment when I was finally ready to hear them, and my insides exploded like fireworks. “I CAN DO THAT?? I can just CHANGE my story??”

From that point on, I knew things were going to be different. I finally realized, in that moment, that I was the one in charge of me—the only one in charge of me.

Close on the heels of that experience, I heard a lovely, wise woman named Byron Katie say the second thing that set me on my current path of unthinking all the crippling things I’ve been believing my whole life:

“You don’t have to believe your thoughts.” 

Again, shock. What? I don’t? Thoughts and worries about how the world saw me and treated me were my constant companions - you’re telling me I don’t have to be at their mercy?

I began studying and practicing The Work of Byron Katie in 2011, trained as a Facilitator of The Work from 2012 to 2015, and it has shaped me into who I am today: a person who “ends every judgment with a question mark”, meaning that I know my beliefs on any subject are not the final word. I have learned that there is relief from suffering; it doesn’t have to be the norm. 

Not to say that challenges don’t arise and even persist, but questioning the painful thoughts we are believing is the key to shifting our habits of misery and creating a new way to walk through this life, with delicious peace and clarity.

How, specifically, has The Work made my life better?

In one word: freedom. In three words: lasting inner freedom.

It’s given me myself back, my real self, and the power to live life from a place that is calm, accepting, and wise.

It’s guided me to a truly peaceful and loving relationship with my ex-husband. Didn’t think that was possible. Turns out it is.

It has allowed me to trust my children’s individual life paths and know that they’ll be okay no matter what.

It’s attuned me to a genuine sense of excitement when I encounter a problem or a struggle, because I know it has something juicy to teach me about myself.

It’s taught me how to make the present moment my best friend. The past and the future rarely tell me the truth.

It has helped me to see that there is WAY more to be grateful for than to complain about—that life is always happening FOR me, not TO me. And that is deeply empowering.